There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
