So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
