and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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