I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
