Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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