A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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