I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
