Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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