that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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