You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
