you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize