I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
