i just had sex bonerless
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
