If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
