I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
