dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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