I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
