so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
