I have demons in me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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