okay pat passed out under dana's car
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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