i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
