Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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