Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
