the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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