dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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