I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
