? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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