I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
