I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
