tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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