You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
