I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
