so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
