the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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