I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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