I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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