Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
