Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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