Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Randomize
