you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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