why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize