Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
