oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
