so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
