..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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