Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
