i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
