This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were trust falling into bushes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
