I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
