If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
