Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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