He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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