he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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