i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
