Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize