Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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