There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
