How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
