i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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