when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
