if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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