my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
