all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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