Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize