I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
