I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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