Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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