grandma shit on top of the toilet
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
