Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
