My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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