My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
