What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm bleeding and have questions
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
