well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize