I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
