OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
