i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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