Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
