You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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