All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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