i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize