Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
