I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
