yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
