More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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