I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
