My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
