we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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