dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
