There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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