Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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