I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
