She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
