Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
