I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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