please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
