so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My vagina is very pro this idea
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
