I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
