direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
