I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
