Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
