But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
